I found myself here, after a long day, again searching for the words of others, which I could post to my website in lieu of my own. I didn’t have my own voice. I lost it on Tuesday morning. It was not taken from me, rather I lost track of it myself.
I spent most of the day on Tuesday, watching CNN, CBS and ABC on the television, along with a smattering of DW and local coverage of the day’s events. I also used all the tools at my disposal to follow events and speculations about them, on the Internet.
I was transfixed.
At first, I was in utter disbelief, and then in awe, as a witness of the calamity that unfloded before me. Every time I felt the urge to contribute my own voice to the cacophony that enveloped me, I found myself paralyzed. I would type a few words, and think, “that’s not important, Jake,” or “how self-centered,” or “how reactionary.” I censored myself.
I censored myself, and I’m still not quite sure why. I am sure that I haven’t completely stopped my internal-censor still, and probably never will.
Here’s what my self-censor is finally letting through this early morning:
I’m appalled at the destruction of life that has taken place.
I’m frightened for myself, my family and loved ones, and for people the world over.
I’m furious that innocent people were targeted, simply because they were where they were.
I’m at my witt’s end with trying to cope, while maintaining my personal and work responsibilities.
I’m disgusted that there exist human beings (and they are human) who are capable of such incredible disregard for their fellow family members: We are all, in this age and forever, a family of human beings on a single Earth.
I’m deeply relieved that I, and the people close to me are safe, but I still feel trapped.
1) I will not participate in, or encourage, any act of violence or discrimination by any group or individual, against any ethnic or religious group within or outside the United States.
2) I will not advocate or support any action by the United States, NATO or the United Nations, which results in the unnecessary loss of innocent lives, displacement of innocent peoples, or infringement of civil rights, anywhere in the world.
3) I will reach out to my fellow human beings in this time of grief and confusion, and do everything that I can do to maintain life, liberty and happiness.